


Unexpected Problems, Unexpected Solutions

by sebastian2017



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Charles is a good friend (sometimes), Erik Logic Is The Best Logic, F/M, Humor, Light crack, Magda's just tired and wants her normal life back, Misunderstandings, Witness Protection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:42:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22787380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebastian2017/pseuds/sebastian2017
Summary: Erik made a rather public spectacle of leaving Magda so his enemies wouldn't target her, not because either of them ever had any intention of truly leaving the other. Unfortunately, the FBI never got that memo and now Magda is under a witness protection program with a constant security detail keeping her 'safe' from her loving husband.It's not a hurdle Erik expected he'd ever need to cross, but luckily, he's always been rather excellent at fixing strange problems. (And, of course, Charles Xavier has never been able to deny him a favor.)
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Magda (X-Men)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10
Collections: MCU RarePairs Bingo 2019





	Unexpected Problems, Unexpected Solutions

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the square of 'Witness Protection' in the rare pairs bingo :)
> 
> CW: alcohol, sex mention

Being Magneto's ex-wife is an adventure that Magda had never seen coming. For starters, she'd married Erik Eisenhardt, a nice boy who spent his days in carpentry instead of borderline terrorism. Second, she'd never planned on divorcing her husband, even after finding out in a rather shocking way of his mutant powers. It was jarring, no doubt, but she loved him. Wholeheartedly and without reservations. But the more widely known Magneto became, the more paranoid her husband became that someone would target her in an attempt to hurt him. And so he'd left her in a very grand, public gesture, announcing during one of his speeches that he was abandoning humanity entirely, including his wife, and that he hoped his children would follow him to be raised by their mutant brethren as soon as they were old enough. It had gained a lot of attention in the presses, painting Magneto as so ruthless a mutant supremacist he was even willing to give up his children's childhood to avoid interacting with humans. 

In reality, Erik was still coming home every night through the back window to be with her and the children, appeased that if the world thought he didn't care, they wouldn't target him through her. It was a perfect plan, in Erik's eyes. That is, until the FBI had approached her, offering her protection and relocation so she would be safe from her ex-husband. It was a small miracle that she hadn't just laughed in their face. That would have probably ruined their whole charade. But somehow, she'd managed not to laugh and she just feigned ignorance, wondering out loud if the situation really warranted so drastic a move. But the agent who had come to talk to her was genuinely worried, it seemed, absolutely convinced that Erik was going to find her and do dreadful things to her and the children. 

So somehow, despite Magda's reassurances that she feels safe and her lies that Magneto hasn't reached out to her at all since their divorce, the agent leaves with a promise to follow up with her with more concrete plans to get her and the children new identities and a relocation plan. That's all fine, things they can work around, but then he mentions getting a security detail on her in case Magneto tries to track her down, and that's... not ideal. When Erik comes home that night, just in time to help put the twins to bed, Magda's busy trying to figure out how she'll break the bad news to him. 

When they twins are asleep and they're both in the living room, curtains shut so no one will see them, Erik sighs and reaches for her hand. "Liebe, you've had that look on your face all evening long, the one when you have to tell me something unpleasant. You might as well tell me instead of drawing it out." 

"I wish I had one of those clueless husbands other women talk about," Magda teases, reaching up to stroke his hair. "The FBI stopped by tonight." 

Erik tenses up immediately and frowns at her. "What did they want? Do they suspect us?" 

"Not at all. In fact, they were quite concerned for my safety. So concerned that they came by to offer me protection by relocating me and giving me full time security," she explains. 

Erik calms, but it doesn't take him long to figure out the problem Magda sees with that. "Oh. Security as in... someone following you around? Always?" 

"Maybe not quite that dramatic, but the man who visited was very clear that there'd be people around at all times, yes," she says. "I tried to talk him out of it and explain that I've never felt at danger with you out doing your business and that for all your threats against humanity, I didn't think you'd ever do anything to harm me or the children, but he was very persistent. Sorry, darling. I'm not exactly happy about it either." 

"We'll work it out somehow... We always do." Erik sighs, not sounding particularly confident. 

Magda doesn't feel very good about this newfound situation either, but there's nothing to be done now. They'll have to figure this out when they have more information about it. For now, they just enjoy the rest of their evening together, before Erik has to slip away again in the early morning to make it out of the house before someone spots him. It's not exactly the best of arrangements, but it's what they have and they make it work. Magda has a feeling they'll be missing it sooner or later. 

***

It only takes a couple of weeks to get everything properly set up and they pass by so quickly, Erik would swear they'd gotten some time altering mutant to make it go by in the blink of an eye. He'd gotten used to coming home every night and getting to spend evenings with the babies and tuck them into bed. It's a jarring change of pace that has Erik grouchy and upset, snapping at anyone who has the misfortune to get anywhere near him. He's tempted to show the humans what  _ real  _ mutant terrorism looks like, certainly far more threatening than the civil disobedience and light vandalism (and okay, occasional theft, but only of things that belong to them anyway or plans for weapons that would destroy them) they currently do. Magda talks him out of those plans when they manage to talk on the phone, always late at night and on lines that Erik double and triple checks are secure. 

It's enough to drive anyone mad. Erik was upset enough at the implication that he would ever hurt Magda. Sure, most people don't know the full context, that the two of them are very much still together and that Erik is madly in love with her, but even if they really were separated like the press believes, Erik would never hurt the mother of his children or, Gd forbid, his actual children. He's not that sort of man, even if the humans love to paint him in the worst light possible. 

For a few weeks, Erik gets nothing more than late night phone calls and the occasional stolen glance when he follows them from a distance. (And really, those are some terrible members of security if Erik manages to tail them without them ever noticing, he has half a mind to approach them with a long list of suggestions on how to improve their work and perhaps a few replacements from his own people who can actually keep Magda safe.) It's a miracle he doesn't absolutely lose it in those few weeks. Normally, coming up with plans to escape impossible situations like this is what he does best. It's what he's always done. But this time, he comes up short. All his friends are mutants. Mutants with similar reputations to him, as well, meaning they won't be much help in helping where the human government is involved. And for all he criticizes Magda's human security, evren they aren't stupid enough to not notice if some random stranger started making his way to Magda's home regularly, no matter how well disguised Erik might make himself. 

It's in mulling this over that the idea comes to Erik. His friends might all be mutants, but despite his first thought, they're not all the sort of mutants that the government would hate and distrust on sight. He has one friend - sometimes enemy, though the details are irrelevant right now - who would be perfect for this kind of job. As long as Erik can convince him to offer his assistance in sneaking around the law. 

***

Charles Xavier has been a do gooder since Erik had first met him years ago, but Erik also has plenty of experience talking him into doing things outside his comfort zone. If he could once convince a young Charles Xavier to attend a Brotherhood meeting that had ended in a riot, he's sure he could also convince Charles to help him figure out some way to see Magda. And though he should probably take a while to get into proper contact with Charles, perhaps a phone call to arrange when to meet and give Charles some time to prepare. But Erik's had to live long enough without being able to see Magda or his children and he's not in the mood to be patient. So he does one of the things he does best and shows up at Charles' office window one night, without warning. 

To be fair, Charles takes the whole situation in stride. He barely looks up from the papers he's grading when Erik opens the door with his powers and floats inside. "Hello, Erik. I don't know if perhaps you don't have these when you live life in the mutant underground, but we have this wonderful new invention called front doors. It's down near the entrance of the house and when you knock, someone goes to let you in." 

"Very funny." Erik rolls his eyes and sweeps his cape aside so he can sit down in front of Charles' desk. "I'm here on official business. Very important official business. It's about Magda." 

"About Magda? I heard the two of you were separated. I'm not going to lie, I didn't believe it. Was I right not to?" Charles asks, putting his pen down and looking at him inquisitively. 

"You were right," Erik admits. "Unfortunately, plenty of others bought it. The FBI approached Magda a few weeks back and had her relocated for her safety. A sort of witness protection program. It's been terrible. I haven't had a moment with Magda or the children in weeks. I thought perhaps you could help." 

"Oh? Erik, darling, I hate to break it to you, but while my influence with the government is more than yours, I'm not sure it's enough to have a say in the FBI's coming and goings," he warns. 

"Of course not. I would have come to abuse of that a long time ago if I thought you had that ability. Magda and I have come up with the perfect plan. How do you feel about being in a fake relationship with Magda?" Erik suggests. 

Charles stares at him for a few seconds, probably wondering if this is one of Erik's ridiculous suggestions, said only for the sake of laughing when Charles inevitably agrees, but Erik's perfectly serious. "You want me to date your wife?" 

"Ex-wife, technically," he corrects. "But yes. At least fake date, so the agent watching her home won't find it strange that Magda has company over. I'll sneak in with you, you can do your work in the guest room, there won't be an agent knocking on Magda's door to question why there's a silhouette in Magda's curtains." 

"You're using me as an excuse to have sex with your wife?" Charles asks. 

"Don't be ridiculous. There's far more to it than that, of course. I just want to be able to see her and the twins." Erik shakes his head, but then adds, "Though, of course, we will make love on occasion, so perhaps you should bring some music to play while you work in our guest room." 

Charles sighs and Erik already knows he's won. "Fine. I'll help you, but if you end up getting caught, I'm going to say I had no idea and Magda was cheating on me." 

****

This is probably the strangest favor Charles has done for Erik in a while, which is saying a lot. His and Erik's friendship pretty much revolves around arguing with each other about mutant rights and doing strange favors for each other. Once, he'd thought Erik was only strange like that around him, but judging by how easily Magda falls in line with this whole fake dating thing, Charles is beginning to think that Erik's just like this all the time. Either that or Magda's an excellent actor. 

He's just come to Magda's house for their fake third date. It's pretty easy to get away with their 'dates' all being the stay at home kind. They just explain to the agents that they’re afraid of Erik's reaction of seeing his ex wife with his public rival and no one thinks twice about them having a strange way of dating. Thankfully, they also trust Charles enough that they're not very thorough with searching him. The agent waves hello from the front porch as Charles drives the car into the garage and closes down the mechanized gate behind him. 

Once it's closed, Erik crawls out of the trunk, like it's a totally normal thing that's meant to be happening. Charles moves himself onto his chair and waits for Erik to finish getting out of the trunk before he closes it behind him. Magda's already at the door, holding a baby in each arm, and grinning at Erik. She looks so hopelessly in love that Charles is reminded of why he's involved in such an utterly ridiculous scheme. 

"Good evening, Magda. It's lovely to see you again," Charles says. He's not sure why he even bothers. Magda and Erik only have eyes for each other, but he supposes being polite is still important. 

Erik goes over to her to kiss the twins on the forehead and, finally, kisses Magda. "Hello, darling. It's good to see the three of you again."

"You too," she murmurs, pulling him closer, Then, she glances over Erik's shoulder and smiles sheepishly at Charles. "Hello. Thank you for coming by again. We really appreciate it." 

"Of course. It's my pleasure." And it's true. Erik is a good friend of his and even if they weren't, seeing how happy the twins get when they see their father would be enough to make anyone want to help their situation. "I have plenty of work to catch up on and the mansion always has so much hustle and bustle, people constantly interrupting. You're doing me a favor at this point, probably." 

Magda shakes her head fondly at that and steps aside so they can both come inside. Charles retreats to the office as he usually does a d starts to work. He can hear the twins’ squealing and laughing as Erik plays with them, but he doesn’t mind the distraction. He’s glad he can do this for his friend. He's staying the night today, even, so Erik can stay as well. It's always annoying, spending the night away from his own home where everything is already set up to be accessible for his needs, but when he goes out for a late night cup of tea and spots Erik in the kitchen, it's a reminder of why he does all of this. He's pretty sure in all his years of knowing Erik, he's never seen him so content and happy. 

"The children were certainly glad to see you," Charles notes, going around him to set some water to boil. 

Erik smiles as he finishes pouring some wine out for himself and Magda. "And I them. I'll have to figure something out. We can't do this forever, date nights hiding at home and only seeing the children for a few minutes every night before their bedtimes, but in the meantime... Magda and I really appreciate everything you do for us." 

"It's my pleasure. What else are friends for?" Charles shrugs. 

"Still. It's an odd request of a friend," Erik says, chuckling. "I don't know what I'd say if someone came asking me for the things I've asked for." 

"You've always been an odd friend, Erik. Don't worry. I'm more than used to it by now," he teases, winking at him. 

"Of course. Well... Until we figure out something better, Magda and I owe you a great debt. Now, we're off to the grown up half of the evening." Erik grins at him like he's the luckiest man in the world and Charles just laughs. 

He takes his tea and retreats to the guest room to get back to his work. He makes sure to put some headphones on as well, because if the grown up half of the evening involves what he thinks it does, he does  _ not  _ need to be listening in. It's a ridiculous way to be spending a Saturday night, but he'll do it gladly. It's what friends are for. 


End file.
